The Banking World

Since I am leaving the bank next week, I thought I would write about some of the things that I wish I could say to some of the client and some of the things that I will miss. We will start with....

Things I Wish I Could Say:

1) Listen you jerk...you are overdrawn because you spent too much money. This is not my fault, nor is it my problem. Learn to add and subtract moron.

2) Please, for the love of all good in the world, brush your damn teeth. Your breathe kills us. We aren't moving away from you to look at the scenery behind the bank, pal. Some floss might not hurt either.

3) One word. Deoderant.

4) No we will not roll your thousand dollars worth of change for you so you can avoid the 8% coinstar fee.

5) If you don't know your own damn address, you *probably* shouldn't have a bank account.

6) If you don't know how to write a friggin check, you *definately* shouldn't have a checking account.

7) Telling me you only were 35 cent in the negative so it isn't fair you got charged $34 won't fly. Again...learn how to subtract moron.

8) It is not my problem that you forgot to make your deposit 3 days ago, so you bounced checks.

9) It is not my fault someone cashed a check you wrote BEFORE your friggin paycheck was direct deposited. Moral....don't give people checks before you actually get paid.

10) I am working with someone else's account right now you nosy prick. No need to walk up to my desk and just stand there. If you do, I am going to work that much slower so the people who were behind you get their transactions done quicker by my coworkers.

11) If you ask for your balance and it is $10, then you run to buy 2 packs of gum for $1.....there is no need to come back to the bank to ask for your NEW balance. We all just laugh at you when you leave, fool. Thanks for moving to Irmo (lol....my banker pals get that.)

12) We are lying when we tell you that we don't mind that you come in 1 minute before we close to get 3 official checks and redeem 4 savings bonds. It really pisses us off.

13) I swear....the safety deposit boxes are safe. Nobody has access to them without your key. So please do not accuse us of either taking your stuff out or allowing someone to take your stuff out. You can take off the tin foil hat now pal....

14) Robbery jokes aren't funny to us. It should be obvious why.

15) If you have a common name, refuse to give us your social security number and do not know your account number, don't get bitchy with us when your money gets deposited in the wrong account. Moral....bring your own deposit slip and you won't have that problem.

I am sure my fabulous coworkers can think of more. I will blog later about what I will miss.....